"Prayer is not mine, and it does not depend on me"

Carried in Prayer

During a difficult period in her life, Ilonka Terlouw had one of her most profound experiences with prayer. “I didn’t pray because I didn’t have the energy for it and didn’t feel like it. Yet I felt carried by the prayers of so many members of the congregation—most of whom I don’t even know. They prayed on my behalf when I couldn’t do it myself. That meant a great deal to me personally.” But it also transformed the way she viewed prayer, adding a new dimension to her understanding. “I realised that prayer is not mine, and it does not depend on me. You always pray as the body of Christ; you pray with Christ, ‘in Jesus’ name.’ Prayer does not depend on me, but on Him.”

Talking to God

What can be considered prayer? “In society, people often talk about ‘talking to God,’ but prayer is any form of communication addressed to God. Sometimes it’s a feeling or a thought. It starts with actions—folding your hands, speaking words, finding a quiet place, giving thanks to God when the sun warms your face. People feel connected to God, and in prayer, they respond to what they sense of Him in their lives.”

But how do you pray, and how do you keep praying in a society where the majority has no connection to God? “Trends in society influence the prayer life of Christians,” says Ilonka. “What can they still expect from prayer in an environment where so much is controllable and explainable? For Christians, it can be a challenge to find where it belongs in daily life. How do you bring prayer into your work, your passions, your grief?”

She has noticed that in recent years, prayer has received renewed attention within the Protestant Church in the Netherlands (PKN). The PKN’s latest vision statement expresses the church’s desire to be a ‘prayer community.’

A Culture of Prayer

Ilonka does not believe the PKN is experiencing a ‘prayer crisis’ or ‘prayer anxiety.’ “You hear that from ministers or theologians, and the number of people who say they pray regularly is declining. Yet prayer remains incredibly important to Christians.”

People often compare the PKN to the evangelical movement, which is “a prayer movement par excellence.” “Prayer has a much less prominent place within the PKN by comparison. But that does not mean the PKN lacks a culture of prayer. Prayer is very much present—both collectively on Sundays and individually.” Whether this way of life is in crisis remains to be seen, says Ilonka. The only sure thing is that it has not been thoroughly mapped out yet, and that is exactly what she is trying to do with her research. By doing so, she hopes to spark a conversation about the church as a prayer community.

“The ‘church’ is made up of people, so we must listen to them—both those who pray and those who do not. The people of Christ are a source of theology. Not as a replacement for the voice of the Bible or tradition, but as a voice that cannot be ignored.”

Growing in Prayer as a Community

Ilonka’s research focuses on what prayer looks like in the lives of Christians within the PKN and why it does or does not hold significance for them. She wants to collaborate with groups within church communities. Her approach has an added benefit: “Getting closer to people and their prayer practices also brings us closer to God.”

She asks participants to keep prayer journals. “Every day, they answer the questions: What did I do today? How did I do it? Why did I do it? They also gather in discussion groups to talk about their responses. This sharpens their understanding and helps bring hidden aspects of prayer to the surface. It makes them more aware of their own prayer practices and those of the wider church community.

On these evenings, we don’t discuss ‘what we think about prayer,’ but rather, we share how we live our lives with God. In doing so, we help each other move forward and grow as a community walking the path of prayer.”